The Balance Beam

How to Find Balance in Motherhood

“Back in the day, women didn’t run themselves ragged trying to achieve some impressively developed life in eight different categories. No one constructed fairy-tale childhoods for their spawn, developed an innate set of personal talents, fostered a stimulating and world-changing career, created stunning homes and yard scapes, provided homemade food for every meal (locally sourced, of course), kept all marriage fires burning, sustained meaningful relationships in various environments, … ”
― Jen Hatmaker, For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards

BAM! I don’t know about you, but I had to reread the quote several times to let it really sink in. And, once it sank in, it really sank in. In a world of social media highlight reels, where we all feature our best moments and our best days, I needed this reminder and I needed it bad. If you haven’t read Jen Hatmaker’s book, For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards, I’d highly recommend it if this excerpt resonates with you. I couldn’t put it down, and its mantras have helped me as I’ve struggled to balance part-time work, full-time momming and being very pregnant the past few weeks.

In her book, Hatmaker talks about her daughter learning gymnastics and how she struggles most with the balance beam. She goes on to compare those ‘tricks’ with the things we try to juggle in our daily lives as moms. We can’t have it all and if we try to have it all, we usually end up feeling even worse and falling short. I think I’ve become better at learning my limits, saying ‘no’ and prioritizing the older I get, but I still struggle with the concept. And after conversations with many fellow momma friends, I know this is a common theme. 

So, I came up with a little self-challenge that Hatmaker highlights in her book: throwing things OFF your balance beam that are weighing you down. Will you join me in this exercise? I really think it’s a good one! If it’s not your strength, why are you focusing energy on it? If cooking organic meals every night gives you hives and you’d rather spend a little money for those home delivery meals, why not do it? If you’re focusing energy on items that you think you should be doing (because everyone else on social media is doing it!), but it keeps you up at night because you feel like you’re failing at it. . . THROW IT OFF THE BEAM!

Here are my goals for the month. Things to keep on the beam versus things to trash. 

KEEP

• Writing. It releases my inner creativity and gives me an outlet. I always feel better after I write. Whether it’s in a journal, on a public forum like this, or just little notes in my kiddo’s lunch box, I will continue to prioritize writing because it makes me feel good. 
• Running. I’ve been running since I was 12 years old and something about the monotony of the practice gives me serenity and energy. They say you either love running or you hate running. I love it, so as long as I’m able, I will keep this on my beam. 
• Reading + Praying with the boys. I critique myself a lot on my parenting (as I know most of us do), but one thing I think I’m good at is reading to the boys and doing a nightly prayer together. When we incorporate this into our nightly routine, I feel like there’s a nice little closure to our day, no matter what it brought with it!
• Volunteering (controlled). Volunteering makes me feel good. But sometimes I don’t know how to say no. And now that I’m balancing more on my plate (with a third soon to arrive), I will keep this on my beam but in a controlled manner. Because, I like to see my husband on occasion, too!

TRASH

• Gardening. Never really got into it and definitely don’t have a green thumb. We need to hire some help with landscaping and weeding because we can’t do it all. If it’s between spending time with the boys on the weekend or pulling weeds, I will choose the boys every time. Sorry if you’re my neighbor. 
• Entertaining. Our house is a starter home without much space. We don’t have a basement or a playroom or a fancy office. Entertaining isn’t really in our cards right now because it gives me anxiety, so (until we earn that forever home), it’s not staying on the beam unless it’s necessary! Sorry mom and dad, we’ll be at your table for Thanksgiving, again. Yes, I’m 34. 
• Traveling. Right now, traveling with (almost) three kids all 4 years old and under just isn’t something we can do often. And thinking about it gives me hives. So, apologies in advance to our in-laws who live a bit further away and those who want to vacation with our (crazy) family on the beach. We will do our best, but it can’t have a huge place on the beam right now. You’re always welcome here (in our non-entertaining home)!
• Following a food plan. With my somewhat obsessive personality traits, these always end up becoming a slippery slope. So, if you’re a health coach or post lots of meal planning tips, I probably won’t follow you on social media. I think it’s awesome what you’re doing, but it’s just not for me. 

So, there you have it. Don’t force yourself to keep things on your beam that aren’t YOU. Throw them off. Focus on the things that make you happy, make you feel like a success, and make you a better person. Keep your balance beam full of the positive and remember you simply can’t do it all, nor should you.