Mommy Math


mommy math

I have always loved math!  I minored in it in college.  But I realize not everyone embraces equations the way I do.   Regardless, since I have become a parent, I have created some new mathematical principles of my own I would like to share with you.

The Excursion Equation:

Amount of children x 15 minutes = amount of extra time to factor in for preparing children for leaving the house to go anywhere ÷ by the  amount of adults present supervising efforts

Education Screen Time Theorem:

NOTE: NOT approved by the American Academy of Pediatrics

Crappy tv watching – Amount of time spent watching educational shows or apps  = amount of total screen time for day


4 hours of Crappy TV watching – (2 hours of Wild Kratts + 1 hour of = 1 hour of screen time that day

The Playdate Property of Parenting:

Adult Interaction Enjoyment of Playdate ^ +/-n  x  Child Interaction Enjoyment of Playdate ^ +/- n = Overall Likelihood of Future Dual Parent Present Playdates


– Parents Don’t Gel x + Kids Gel = One Parent Present Playdate

+Parents Gel Well x +Kids Gel Well = Playdate for both Parents and Kids

+ Parents Gel Well x – Kids DO NOT Gel Well = Parent’s Night Out Sans Children

My Prerogative Principle of Elapsed Time:

NOTE: Might teach children how to estimate time incorrectly. 

If you are having a good time at the playground talking to parents, your previously mentioned 5 minute warning can turn into 15 or 20.

If you want to leave somewhere you are (e.g. the playground) in 5 minutes, but don’t want to deal with any fuss, just tell your kids, “ten more minutes,” but really leave in 5.

Commutative Property of Sick-day/Snow-day Situation

If you and/or one or more of your children are sick, or all kids are off on a consecutive snow day = watch all the screen time you want or need to survive + eat cereal or pizza for every meal

NOTE:  Increased screen time for a few days, really won’t hurt anyone.



PEMDAS for Parents Who Dislike Math Homework:

Instead of remembering the Order of Operations like their children (Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally) these parents use this pneumonic device:  Please Excuse My Drinking and Swearing

Liquid Measurement Conversion Chart on a Bad Parenting Day

NOTE:  I’m only joking…I don’t condone drunk parenting or solving stress with alcohol.
Parents to 1 child = 1 alcoholic beverage after your child is in bed

Parents to 2 children = 2 alcoholic beverages after children are in bed

Parents to 3 or more children = Just go to bed yourself.  It’s not worth it.  Tomorrow is another day.