Hey mamas. How excited are you for summertime? It means warmer weather, weekend adventures and events galore! Oh, and one more thing, pool days and other opportunities to lounge by the water in the perfect bikini to highlight your finely chiseled summer bod.
Did I just hear a collective groan?
Don’t worry, I’m not so irrational that I really meant that part. I know there are moms out there with rockin’ bodies and if you are one of them, I salute you. But personally, my summer body is pretty much the same as my winter body, and I’m not as confident in it as I once was.
I am, however, about to say something that might be a little hard to read…
Please, please mamas, try to be kind to yourself for the sake of your children.
I was recently at an event with my daughter and found myself surrounded by a group of mothers and their preschool-aged daughters. As they were chatting, the conversation turned to warm weather, summertime and bathing suit shopping. Inevitably, the conversation took a quick turn to groaning and negative self-talk. I’m sure I’ve done the same with groups of friends, but in that moment all I could focus on was their daughters, quietly painting and listening to the women they love most in the world putting themselves down.
In that moment, my heart was broken. I saw the little girls deep down in these women, pictured them listening to their mothers talk about the same thing.
Do you realize the impact we have on our daughters’ body image and self-esteem? Numerous studies have shown a strong relationship between the way a mother sees and speaks about herself and her daughter’s own feelings of self-worth and body image. Let’s teach them to love themselves by loving ourselves.
And, moms of sons, don’t think this doesn’t apply to you. We’re also shaping the way our sons see and interact with women, and that is a weighty responsibility.
Our children are watching us, listening to us, wanting to emulate us. And, I get it. It’s hard. From the time we were little girls we have been bombarded with messages about what we should look like, where we should get our self-worth. We’ve been bombarded with unrealistic images and told we aren’t pretty enough, thin enough, curvy enough, (insert practically anything here) enough for so long that many of us actually believe it.
But, I’m going out on a limb here to suggest we intentionally try to change the dialogue, at least in ways that we can. Here are some small steps we can all start working on to try to make a difference.
Don’t equate appearance with worthiness. This means talking less about hair, clothes, and bodies, and more about our personality traits or accomplishments. Not just about ourselves, but in reference to others. Give your family and friends more compliments based on their characteristics or behavior. What it looks like: “You’re being really kind.” “I love the painting you made.” “Wow, you have great ideas!”
Talk positively about your body in ways that aren’t focused on appearance. Talk about how strong your legs are and how grateful you are to be able to run. Show appreciation for the way your arms enable you to hug your children. Talk about how cool it is that our bodies allow us to speak and chew and play.
When you do talk about your appearance, be positive. For some of us, this might be hard, but you can start small. Maybe it’s telling your child “I really like my hair like this.” Or “I like my smile in this picture because I can tell how happy I was.”
Focus on the fun. Have you ever been really looking forward to something just to have someone come along and put a cloud of negativity on it? Why rain on a fun day at the beach by groaning about your swimsuit? Instead, focus your conversation on how great it will be to spend time enjoying the sunshine with your family.
If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. We can’t just flip a switch and instantly change the way we think and feel about ourselves. But, we can be more self-aware. When you catch yourself starting to say something negative about your body, stop. Change the subject if you have to. Remember, if you wouldn’t say it about your daughter or best friend, don’t say it about yourself.
I’m not expert here, just another mama trying to do the best that I can. I’m sure I didn’t get it perfect, but I’m trying. Let’s all come together to make a positive change for our children.
I wish I would have read this a few days ago before getting ready for my son’s wedding reception. I felt so negative about my appearance and said dumb things about myself to my grown daughter. This is so spot on Faith. Thank you for the reminder of what’s important! Loved spending time celebrating with family and friends the love that my son and his new bride have found in each other.
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