The Pressure Cooker of Potty Training

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Potty Training Pressure

I recently had a night out with some girlfriends. The topic of conversation turned, as it inevitably does at some point, to our kiddos. This particular discussion was about potty training. Someone brought up a book whose method said there’s a window for potty training and, if you miss it, it spells bad news. Um…say what, now? I got really incensed and may or may not have scared some of the parents there. But my intensity comes from a place of love and protectiveness. Hear me out.

Parenting is Already Hard Enough

The Internet is a blessing and a curse. We have so much beautiful information at our fingertips. Conversely, we have so many harmful, ill-willed opinions. Here we are, wading through a thigh-high sea of tips, tricks, how to’s, and endless options, and along comes a book, viral blog article or parenting fad that’s all up in our faces saying, “My way or the highway, yo!” My defenses immediately go up. Back off my fellow parents and caregivers! We are already stressed out. We do not need you adding to the mammoth pile of worries we mull over while we’re trying to fall asleep at night.

So Much Gray

There’s maybe a handful of things about raising kids that are black and white. Do I feed them? Yup. Do I put my infant in a forward-facing car seat? Nope. Do I teach them to brush their teeth? Yes, please. Hopefully, you’re getting my point. But the rest of it? The billions of other things that are involved in child-rearing? Those, my friend, are one HUGE blob of gray where we’re just wandering around, bumping into other people and objects while attempting to make 2,846 correct decisions daily.

Different Strokes for Different Folks

There is no cut and dry way to teach everyone the same skill set. Some schools require teachers to incorporate all seven different types of learning styles into their lesson plans. There’s even more than one way to teach long division nowadays. And these potty training methods are going to try to tell me and my friends that our kids have to be potty trained exactly this way or by this age or they’re doomed and we’ve missed the boat?! Worst case scenario, let’s imagine we lived in a world where it isn’t a school requirement to be potty trained, and we never officially potty trained our children. We just kept changing diapers until the child was five, six, or even seven. Do you really think any child wouldn’t eventually ask, “Can I go on the toilet and stop wearing diapers please?”

Now I am NOT advocating that you deliberately put off potty training like that. It is a life skill, and it does need to be taught. But do you need to panic because someone scoffs that your two and a half-year-old is still in diapers? Or because this one article claims your child will suffer in life if they’re not toilet trained by age three? Absolutely not. Most kids show overt interest and readiness to use the potty by the age of four or even shortly thereafter for some. Be reassured that the Potty Training Boat will not be missed. And whenever the boat does come into dock, it will be a different looking boat for every child.

My Personal Experience

Look, I am no expert. Even though I have professional experience and training in childcare, there are still plenty of days I have no clue if what I’m doing is right or wrong in regards to raising my daughter. But I can present to you what I have seen and been through.

Throughout my almost fifteen years of childcare, I have heard countless stories about potty training experiences and have helped to potty train a multitude of children. Of the children whose parents decided the “right time” and started potty training before a child had in some way* communicated they were ready, only a handful were potty trained within a week. Most of the parents told me stories of giving up and putting their child back in diapers or struggling through months of accidents until the child was successfully using the toilet 100% of the time.

Of the children whose parents were ready to teach them and waited until their child was telling them in some way* that they wanted to use the potty, most were fully potty trained within a week. (Please note that “fully potty trained” can mean either potty trained during waking hours only or potty trained 24 hours a day.) These parents told me it went pretty smoothly and was less stressful than they had expected it to be. Those who still had a rough time potty training usually had other complicating factors such as unforeseen medical issues or family situations.

(*Examples include children straight out asking to learn to use the toilet or saying they’re all done wearing diapers. Some parents ask if their child wants to wear underwear like mom and dad or their friends, and the child says yes, Etc.)

I want to be clear that I am not judging any of these people from either group. I have yet to encounter an ill-intentioned parent when it comes to their kids. This is not meant to come off as me telling you what you’re doing is right or wrong. I do not know what is best for your children and your family in the potty training department (or any department). You do. Ultimately, ignore me and trust yourself. This article is meant to reassure all the caregivers who feel like the pressure is on to potty train their children by a certain age or in a certain way. Because, by George, is there unnecessary pressure out there.

You Can Go Your Own Way

To all the critics: Is another kid pooping in a diaper hurting you? No. Is another kid peeing in a diaper hurting anyone else? Nope. So why are total strangers passing off their potty training methods as gospel? Because it’s what worked for them? That’s a little self-centered. And you shouldn’t be taking hard advice from anyone who’s not considering your family and your child’s needs. What you should do, whenever you’re ready to, is read a handful of different books, articles, and methods for potty training. If you find one that 100% fits your family’s needs, that is amazing! Do that method! If you don’t find one that you love, or if any of those methods are feeling condescending or threatening, remember that’s just what they had to do for those kids. They are not you. Those littles are not your littles. Pick out the parts of those articles and books that make sense for you and your child. You’ll be reading along and think, “Oh yeah, that schedule will work well!” or, “Jonny will totally be into that given his personality.” Note it. Highlight it. Yes, you will be required to make some adjustments for the sake of consistency. But it’s so much easier to have consistency when most of the task at hand already fits well into your existing life. So piece together a method that’s all your own. We had the Steele Method. Slap your name on your method! Just don’t go and market it as the latest and best potty training style. Pretty please?

It Really Will Be Okay

I hope this post helps take some of the pressure off of you, fellow parent or guardian. The fact that you’re hemming and hawing about potty training means you’re already a great caregiver who loves your kid(s) and wants the best outcome for them. You got this! You do you, and it will all be okay.

A very special thanks to the strong, beautiful souls who were with me that night and inspired this article. I’m grateful that you are some of the people I’m bumping into as we wander this huge blog of gray area they call parenting.

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Kristin
Kristin was born and raised in the suburbs of Chicago. Her previous job titles include Theatre Production Manager and Lead Teacher in the Toddler Room before the birth of her daughter transitioned her into the title of Stay At Home Mom. Kristin, her husband Tim, and their daughter Adelyn relocated here from Chicago in September 2016 with their assorted animals. Neither Kristin nor her husband had ever permanently lived anywhere besides the towns they grew up in. Moving their little family two states away from any kind of support system was scary and exciting! Columbus and its people welcomed them with open arms, and they absolutely love living here. Kristin likes to read, eat, drink loads of coffee, explore her new city and state, exercise, and work on renovating her house with her husband. Kristin is happy to be a member of the Gahanna Mom's Network and a part of the Columbus Mom's Blog team!