To my oldest child,
I’ve been thinking and I have something I just have to get off my chest. We’ve never really talked about this before but its been eating at me for a while. I hope you understand how much I love you and always have your best interest in mind.
Now that you’re a big sibling, I know its been hard witnessing your mother split time between you and the new baby. It’s been a challenge for me too! But you see, there was a time when it was just you and me. You had my complete attention, both of my arms and my whole lap to sit in. I was attentive to your needs and solely focused on you. We did things without interruption and you were free to make most of the choices. You basically ran the show and our daily rhythm revolved around your routines and sleep times. You were my sole sidekick and I loved making sweet memories with you. You brought so much joy and light to our family that we hoped and prayed for the opportunity to give you a sibling. We dreamed of you growing up together, having a trusted confidant and a buddy to make memories with.
You became a big sibling at just two years old. We were so excited and grateful for you to have a lifelong partner and companion to navigate the world with. But what I didn’t consider is how quickly this made you grow up. When the new little one joined our family, we instantly expected more from you. You accepted this new role without hesitation and have mostly been a willing helper. The way you love, accept and protect the baby, stretches my heart to love you even more than I thought possible. I could not be more proud of you for embracing your new place as the oldest child. I know you’ve been feeling the squeeze now that there are more of you little ones than me. To you, this probably seems as if you have to share your mother. But, child, I want to assure you, I always have been and always will be yours. In fact, you were the answer to many prayers hoping and dreaming for a child to call my own.
Nothing can uproot the deep love I have for you or the special relationship we share. You were the one who taught me how to first be a mother. We’ve learned together every step of the way from diaper changes to temper tantrums and mommy meltdowns to snuggle sessions. Among many things, you’ve taught me to love fiercely, forgive compassionately, accept willingly and embrace tenderly. You’ve given me the chance to see through a child’s eyes again to gain a fresh perspective and a renewed approach to life. You’ve taught me to keep things simple and go back to basics. You, child, have already given me more in this life than I will ever give to you. My dear oldest child, you made my dreams come true when you made me a mother.
Although you get frustrated when I have to cut our reading time short because the baby woke from a nap early, or you have to wait for me to play Legos because I’m nursing, this does not define your place in our family. You will always be a priority. Life is filled with a dichotomy of give and take, now and later, beginning and end. My hope is that the lessons you learn as the oldest give you a unique perspective to help you find your way as you navigate life. That you’ll always know your value whether you’re first or last. And regardless of the circumstances, you’ll feel in your soul the deep connection and love that your mother will always share with her first and oldest child.
Although you’re just five years old, I have a feeling this will be a foreshadowing of our future. New challenges will arise, moments when I want to scoop you up in my arms and protect you, but you will be strong and brave and willing to change and accept your new place. But my dear, I promise you this, I will always be your number one fan, your biggest encourager, and your safe place. I’ll always be here, waiting with arms wide open to comfort you. Child, you will always be my baby no matter your age. My heart swells with pride as I witness you so seamlessly step into your role as a big sibling. You are capable, resilient and tenacious and I’m so grateful to call you mine.
Love,
Your number one fan
To read more about the adjustments of adding a sibling, read 10 Things I Learned Going From Two Kids to Three or Is There Enough Room in My Heart?
