Finding Strength in Asking for Help

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Confession time: Do you feel like a burden when asking for help? Would you rather do it yourself vs. waiting on someone else? Do you ever feel like the only way for it to get done “right” is for you to do it yourself? My answers: yes, yes, yes. Did you have the same pattern?

I don’t know what it is; maybe a mom thing, a woman thing, or asserting independence and strength thing? Who knows, but the burden that comes with wanting and trying to do it all myself is a lot to bear. It’s exhausting! I am trying to change this way of thinking because I’m over being tired and angry. When I sat down to write this post, I had a certain idea of what I wanted to say and halfway through, I changed my mind (of course!). I think if I can keep this thought that asking for help is okay, I’ll become much more successful in my day to day life. 

The Weight of it All

help writing

So much has to get done in a day. Waking up, getting ready, working, dinner, laundry…the list goes on and on. The tasks of keeping up with a house, life, and family never ends. There are probably lots of things we could outsource to other family members, co-workers, or friends. So why don’t we? For me, it’s the reasons I mentioned above: I feel like a burden, I don’t always want to wait, and I have a certain way I like some things done. We need to re-frame our thinking. We need to take the weight off of our shoulders and breathe a little.

Our loved ones actually enjoy helping! Often times they don’t know what you need help with because you probably do so much yourself, so they just assume you don’t need it. We want people to be mind readers (well, not always!), we want them to pick up on our cues of frustration, we want them to just offer. Think of all the headaches, and hurt feelings we could avoid if we started to communicate better.

Even Better? Think of What We Are Teaching our Children!

I want my daughter to seek help when she needs it, and not adopt my “I have to do everything” way of thinking. I want her to see how including others is fun! When we work together things get done faster, things can get done safely, and no one will feel resentful. When everyone is involved there aren’t feelings of “oh I have to do this” while someone else gets to keep doing what they want. When everyone gets involved then it BECOMES fun…unless that task is putting away groceries and they are putting it away in the “wrong” place. Just kidding! 

I try to get my daughter to ask me for help all the time, or I ask her if she needs help with a task. Lots of times she ignores me or says “no help mommy!” There is a fine line of being too stubborn to ask for help and simply struggling, and working through something in order to gain new skills. A lot of times, she is falling into the latter, and I embrace that. 

There is a strength that is found when asking for help. Sure, it feels like a weakness because we want to be able to do all the things. We think we should do all the things, especially as moms. Think of it this way…we are preserving strength when we outsource! Asking for help cleaning up gets the task done 15 minutes faster, having your spouse prepare everyone’s lunch gives you ten minutes to just sit and decompress, and asking a friend to babysit the kids gives you a much needed date night. Just thinking of all those payoffs gives me such a sense of relief!

strength in asking for help

So let your batteries recharge, steal those minutes when you can, and get the help you want and deserve. Communication is key! It is something that I am working on every day. Do it for yourself, do it for the kids! You will both be better for it. 

Tell me some of your struggles with asking for help. How can we re-frame our thinking? 

 

 

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Lydia grew up in a small town in northwest Ohio. She traded in that small town for another small town when she went to college at Ohio University in Athens, and majored in magazine journalism. Much like any Bobcat you will meet, Lydia had the time of her life at OU! It is also where she met her husband, Deon. He is basically her polar opposite but he keeps her balanced and sane, and he’s been keeping up with her since 2007! They got married August 2015. Lydia became a mom in October 2016! She is the perfect mix of her parents: a chatterbox with a bit of sass like her mom, and at times relaxed and quiet like her dad. Watching Isabella grow, learn, and experience things for the first time has been some of the coolest things about being a mom. Full disclosure: Lydia wasn’t exactly thrilled to find out they were going to move to Columbus when Deon got a new job in 2012. She was excited for his new opportunity, but Columbus just seemed too big; after all, she is “just a small town girl.” It took some time but Lydia came around! She enjoys exploring even more now that she has Isabella. She is always looking to see what is happening around the city that is kid friendly. When Lydia isn’t working at her job in marketing, she enjoys getting her nails done, taking Isabella to different parks, relaxing watching The Golden Girls, attending WWE wrestling events, and browsing through social media. You can find her posting stories and pictures of Isabella on Facebook, and Instagram. On Twitter you’ll find her tweeting about WWE wrestling, and trying to get The Rock to notice her (he has already tweeted her a few times in the past!) WWE is a common interest for her and her husband and they have attended many events in Ohio. They even made a trip to Texas in 2016 to attend the grandest stage of them all... WRESTLEMANIA! Lydia is excited to share her stories, and experiences as a first time mom with you. She knows she will learn a lot from everyone and hopes her stories can help others.