Before I had children, I knew one thing for sure: My kids were not using a pacifier beyond infancy. And then I had children.
It started in the early months and helped our daughter get through her fussy periods. We were happy to have a tool that helped her. We thought we would have her give it up by the time she turned 1. Then her first birthday came and we began to limit it to just the car, nap time, and bedtime. The girl just loved her binkie! We just couldn’t do it.
As the year went on, we planned to FOR SURE give up the binkie by the age of 2. But the 2nd birthday came and we found lots of reasons to hold on just a little longer. Our thought process went a little like this:
A new sibling! We can’t have her give it up yet, it’s too big of an adjustment!
A new bed! We should focus on that transition instead.
A new house! Let’s get her used to her surroundings.
Potty training! Yes, we are so proud of her for that, we can’t take her binkie away now!!
And really, the more we talked to her about it, the more she wanted to keep it. We did limit it to nap and bedtime only. But every day started as a battle and power struggle. We decided to drop the conversations about it and let her decide when she was ready.
The Decision
When her third birthday rolled around, she woke up and said, “I’m ready to give my binkie to a new baby!” Luckily our neighbors had just a had a baby. We jumped on those words and wrapped up all the binkies and wrote a letter to the sweet newborn. Our plan had worked! Who knew it would be this easy? Letting her take ownership of her own decisions really worked! We headed to Target and she picked out a new toy for being so brave. Piece of cake!
And then the first night came. It. Was. Horrible. Much worse than getting an infant to learn to sleep.
There were tears and lots of them. She wailed. She screamed things like “I made a mistake!” “Get those binkies back!” “I’m not ready!” “There must be one in the van!”
It was heartbreaking and we felt like the worst parents in the world. We debated back and forth about giving it back. But we couldn’t turn back now because we knew we couldn’t put her through this again. (Or ourselves for that matter.)
We tried a new bear, a new blanket, a new nightlight, a new routine, a chart. Unfortunately, these things did not help in the first month. There are many days where she doesn’t nap. Now, could these events have occurred because she’s a three-nager now? Absolutely. But I do think the loss of the binkie has made sleep more difficult. Thankfully, she sleeps through the night once she is asleep.
Progress
Many people told us it would be 3 nights. They say there is an exception to every rule and that was the case for us. Yes, the first 3 nights were the absolute worst because of the constant night time wake ups and the hours of trying to get her to sleep. The adjustment went on for well over 3 weeks, but now that we are a month in, we have finally made progress!
A little silver lining : I’m happy to say that we don’t have battles in the morning or after naps (the days that she does get to sleep). I think her dentist will be happy to see her little teeth shaping up! We get to lay with her for a few minutes before bed now and sharing this time with her is one of our favorites. We know with our support, she can get through difficult things and that she has learned new coping skills.
As I reflect on the past month, I’m not sure what we could have done differently. It truly was her decision, and we thought that would help. In the end, I guess we just have to patient and remember that change is hard at any age.
As parents, we learned that every kid is different. Some kids have no issues giving up their pacifier and if you are reading this, I really hope that is the case for you! We also learned that no object can replace the feeling of love. During the tears, all she wanted was for us to be with her and love her. She wanted to be held and hugged and told it was going to be okay. She needed us more than anything else and that helped us all get through the tears as well.
Helpful Tips
I did want to share some other ideas for giving up the pacifier that I read at 3 AM during our constant wake ups and google searches on what to do! 🙂
Maybe some of these would work for you!
- Take the binkies to Build a Bear and put them in the bear and let them sleep with the bear.
- When you transition from a crib to a bed, the binkies go away.
- Cut the ends off the binkies or a small slit in the binkie and your child will outgrow the need when they see they are broken! (May want to talk to your doctor first on this one- this idea made me nervous!)
- Cold turkey. Just get rid of them!
- Give them to a new baby!
- Trade in the pacifier for a special toy at the store.
- Have your child give their binkie to the dentist for a special surprise.
- Have the binkie fairy come over night and leave a special prize in the morning!
One last tip: I read that 20-22 months is the sweet spot to give up the binkie! We found the age of 3 was so difficult because they are so verbal and the words tear at your heart!
So when you are ready to say goodbye to the beloved binkie, we wish you the best of luck! Just remember: stay consistent, be ready to provide lots of extra love and hugs, and perhaps a date night out afterward because you might just need it!
