You walk into the crowded room, there are people everywhere. Talking, walking around, mingling. You find your spot and take a seat, just kind of browsing the room with your eyes, taking it all in. You’re stumbling with your bag, notice that your boot is untied. You take a break from your room scanning and tie your boot.
When you look up, you notice someone has sat down somewhat close to you. You smile at her. She smiles back. You suddenly think, “…. Could this be it? Maybe she’s the one… No, stop it. You only exchanged smiles. Stop being so dramatic. Be cool.” But after a song or two plays, she leans in and says, “That’s one of my favorites.” And then you’re smiling bigger, and you awkwardly giggle and say, “I love it too. I know every single word.” You try to smile and look at her, but you say to yourself, “…. play it cool, don’t be needy. Like, show you’re interested and available but don’t be pushy.”
Another moment opens up, so you lean over and say, “So, where are you from?” You learn a little bit about where she grew up, when she moved to the area, how long she’s been coming to this joint. You focus back on the music after exchanging some small talk niceties. You’re trying to play it cool on the outside but inside your mind is like, “WHAT DO WE DO NEXT?!? Do we ask her for her digits? Do we hope she asks us for our number? Do I ask for her full name so I can creep on her Facebook profile? Like how do I show her I’m interested? How do I show that I’m available but not needy?! Do you think she noticed that I’m nervous? I just want to talk to her more to get to know her more and THIS COULD BE IT, BUT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DO THIS!”
You make it through the next few minutes and then the place is getting rowdy so you know it’s about time to leave. You grab your things and she says, “This story time seems really cool and we’ll be back next week, I hope to see you guys too!”
AND YOU ALMOST DIE INSIDE because maybe YOU’VE MADE A NEW MOM FRIEND!
Making mom friends. It’s like dating. Except you haven’t dated in like over ten years, so you forget how to do it and times have changed, anyway. Also, it’s only a little like dating because trying to make mom friends is at least 1000 times more awkward than actual dating.
Our daughter is 20 months and I’ve had the opportunity to stay home with her for about 13 months of her life. And it’s been glorious. But also terrifying. Some days you’re literally stuck on the couch under a tiny human who is constantly touching you, but you still feel so lonely. You crave adult interaction. But more than just small talk. You’re craving intimacy. Vulnerability. Realness. I feel so lucky that I’ve recently found that in a group of women right in my community. But Lord Have MERCY, I am so impatient and it felt like I was so desperately seeking connection for months and months and months. Not only did I not know how to find it, but I also didn’t know how to handle myself when I did.
Tinder for Moms?!
I mean… did you guys know that there’s an app out there for moms to meet other moms in your vicinity? It’s set up like Tinder. TINDER. It’s TINDER FOR MOMS. And yes, I ABSOLUTELY have been on it for like 15 months and have had close to zero success using it well. Here’s an actual transcript of a convo I had:
Other Mom: Hello there! How old is your little?
Me: Hi! She is 17 months. How old is yours?!
Other Mom: She is 8.5 months. Getting so fun!
Me: Yes! Love that. And it only gets better and better.
Other Mom: Where do you guys live? We live near New Albany.
Me: Oh that’s awesome, we live right near Easton. Do you guys venture out to any story times or play groups or anything?
AND THEN SHE GHOSTED ME! What?! Like, I thought we had a good thing going, you know? Ok, really I know we exchanged like six messages, but I was starting to feel it. We live close to each other, I asked the question, wondering if maybe we could meet up at a story time and possibly be BFF’s until we die, but… I never heard back. Another dead end. Another broken heart. (Jk.)
Finding Your Tribe
But it can be tough out there. It’s a whole new world trying to make new friends who are in a similar life stage. I feel like I needed someone to say this to me about a year ago, so let me say this to you, my new-internet-mom-friend:
Mom friends out there struggling to find your village, I see you.
Mom friends out there who feel like they have no one to turn to, I see you.
Mom friends out there who are desiring real, genuine, intimate relationships with others on the same journey as you, I see you.
Mom friends out there who feel lonely, I see you.
Mom friends out there who promised yourselves that your relationships wouldn’t change, who now find yourselves realizing the naivety of that thought, I see you.
Mom friends out there who are trying to figure out the right time to ask another mom for her digits, I see you.
I see you at story time.
I see you at preschool class.
I see you at our mom-and-me work out classes.
I see you at swim lessons.
I see you.
I, too, would like to be your new mom friend but like, I don’t know how we seal the deal so… like, email me? Text me? Do I buy you a drink? SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO DO THIS!
If you need some additional help on finding your mom tribe click here: 10 Places to Meet Your Columbus Mom Tribe.