While doing some introspection recently (read: driving with all three kids buckled in the back seats actually being quiet), I identified some unhealthy patterns that I had gotten caught up in. In fact, subconsciously I knew they were lingering and I really needed to do something about them. There is never a better time to make a change than right now so in that moment I made a commitment to myself to quit three things that were bringing me down: an unnecessary frequent apology, an unrealistic image and a negative thought process. I’m several weeks into these changes and let me say, freedom feels good!
3 Habits I’m Quitting Today
Apologizing For My Messy Home
We recently had some construction done in our home and the contractor stopped by briefly on a Saturday afternoon with his middle school-aged children. My children immediately welcomed the company of new friends but all I could do was profusely apologize for the state of my cluttered house. Yes, saying sorry and making excuses to tweens as to why our home was out of sorts. As the kids played hide and seek I followed them around frantically picking up toys, cleaning off countertops and collecting dishes to take to the kitchen sink. It wasn’t until later that I realized these kids didn’t give a care at all that our house was a mess! They were just being kids, making new friends and jumping in to play together. I was so focused on the state of my home that I didn’t enjoy this brief visit and the satisfaction of these sweet older kids loving on my children.
The fact is, my house is pretty much always a mess. It just is! We spend a lot of time at home, move quickly from one activity to the next and frankly, I just don’t want to spend all of my kid-free time cleaning and picking up! I’m slowly working at setting up better home organization systems (this doesn’t come naturally for me), getting my kids involved in cleaning and simplifying, but ultimately, I want to and find peace in accepting that clutter and mess just comes with this phase of life-and perhaps my life in general. My desire is to have a home that is welcoming, a place for rest and restoration and a safe haven for my loved ones. Sometimes imperfect can be more inviting and comfortable after all and therefore I am quitting apologizing for my messy home.
Trying To Look Like I Have It All Together
It’s been said a million times but it’s worth saying again: what you see on social media is not reality! The curated feed of family photos, vacations, unfiltered views and date nights-it’s a highlight reel showcasing the best of the best and only what others want you to see. Although most us know this, it’s super easy to get caught up in the unrealistic desire to always be put together and doing something exciting or important.
I will be the first to admit that I’m a mess most of the time and pretty much am always just winging it. I fly by the seat of my pants, sometimes yell at my kids and definitely don’t shower as much as I’d like. That’s what’s real. I’m imperfect and a total work in progress. Some days I have more together than others but mostly I don’t have expectations. I’ve noticed the traits of my best and closest relationships are based on the fact that we can come as we are and feel accepted. Whether that’s on day five of unwashed hair or looking good enough for an IG worthy profile pic. I want to put my real face forward, which may not always be my best one. I love it when others are transparent with me and that’s really how I want to live too. And let’s face it, no one has it all together regardless of how hard they try! Will you join me in quitting this unhealthy habit of appearing to have it all together?
Over-analyzing Every Word I Say
More often than not recently, I’ve found myself laying in bed recounting many of the conversations I had earlier in the day. I ponder my words and wonder if I hurt or offended the person I was talking to. Did they take something I said the wrong way? I hope I didn’t upset them. If it was a conversation with a friend, I would later text them to clarify that they fully understood the intentions behind my words. We’re talking basic everyday chit chat here, not deep and meaningful conversation. But for some reason, I was feeling so insecure with my basic verbal skills that I was spending massive amounts of time and brainpower over-analyzing every detail. This was unhealthy, completely unnecessary, and totally worth quitting. And the truth of the matter is the person whom I was conversing with never even thought twice about our conversation afterward. Why was I doing this to myself? It’s not like I was being offended by what others said to me in conversations.
I created a quick system to check myself when these questions start popping up in my head. Were my intentions pure? Was I kind? Was I well-meaning? Almost always the answer to these questions is yes. And if not, I follow up with a quick and simple clarification or an apology and let it go. I’ve got enough other things in my life to overthink, I’m letting go of this one!
What do you need to quit, friend? Quitting may be easier than you think. Freedom is an incredible feeling!