Parenting “Fails”

We’ve all been there. You swore up and down you’d never let your kids watch more than an hour of TV a day and here they are, watching God knows how many episodes of Paw Patrol on a Saturday morning. That conversation you thought you had privately? It’s being repeated to your child’s pre-school teacher at drop-off; out of context and through the fingers of your hand you’re desperately trying to keep over their adorable little mouth. Parenting is the most rewarding job and by far the hardest job a lot of us will ever have. We all do our best for these little ones on the daily. But we all inevitably mess up. We here at Columbus Mom are no different! Here are some classic, relatable, and funny “Parenting Fails” from all of us at Columbus Mom.

Parenting Fails

“That time I was holding my then-infant daughter on my hip and took a corner too tightly…Thankfully nobody asked about the mark on her forehead.”

“I kept the swaddle on my newborn and then still put her in the car seat and took her to a lactation consultant appointment. The LC was facepalming and like, “Oh Padawan, take that baby out of the swaddle.”

“I was breastfeeding my daughter and dropped my phone on her face on accident. She was a recreational snacker and breastfed a lot. So I would sometimes look at my phone while feeding. #fail”

“I read in a book that babies should go to bed at 6:30 p.m. Each night, at 6:15 p.m, I tried desperately to keep my son awake with loud toys, etc. I’m not sure what I thought would happen if he fell asleep 15 minutes earlier!”

“I used to love getting my car washed because it meant everyone was strapped in and quiet and I got my car clean at the same time. One day we were going through the car wash and the oldest (most responsible) told me that my youngest (wild child) rolled down the window and bubbles were coming inside. I now make sure I have the windows locks on when we drive through!”

“When our oldest was about four or five months old we made a trip from Ikea in Plano TX to our home in Central Dallas chock-full of baby items. Only when we pulled into our garage and I went to get the baby out did I realize that I hadn’t strapped him in. It was a 45-minute drive!”

“One of my kids went through a puking stage whenever he would get nervous. He loved swim class but one day decided he was nervous and puked. In the pool. I watched as everyone had to leave the pool area. I thought I was doing him a favor by making him face his fears. I wanted to crawl into a hole… Glad that stage is over!”

“Right after we had finished potty training, our daughter started in with the questions about names for body parts and their functions. We’re as honest with her as we can be, so we tried to answer with age-appropriate responses. We didn’t think about needing to coach her about WHEN it was or wasn’t appropriate to talk about these things though. So after swim class one day, the lady at the front desk asked her how her class went. Her (completely unrelated) response? ‘Daddy has a penis and poops on the potty.’”

“We have a very strong-willed toddler right now and she’s into ‘No’ for EVERYTHING. The other day my husband walked past the bathroom and sneezed. So he quickly ducked in for toilet paper to blow his nose and our daughter went running for him yelling, “NOOOOOO DADDY THAT’S NOT A TISSUEEEEE!” and melted onto the bathroom floor like a wet noodle crying and thrashing because her father blew his nose in TP and not a Kleenex. (It was a ten-minute tantrum. Send help).”

“After a Halloween-themed playdate, I was walking out the door holding B’s hand and carrying baby G. As I’m yelling goodbyes and opening the front door, the hostess held up my then 9-month-old baby to inform me that I was forgetting something. Apparently, I’d left him wandering around the house while cradling a discarded Halloween costume that B had shed during the visit.”

“My daughter loves taking things out of the dishwasher. She saw a sharp knife in there and tried to get it so I grabbed it before she got it. Then she cried for ten minutes. ‘Sorry I didn’t allow you to stab yourself with a knife.’ #SorryNotSorry”

“I full-on dropped a tablespoon of peanut butter (that I was eating at 9:00 p.m.) in my baby’s ear while I was breastfeeding him two weeks ago…free allergy test! He’s not allergic!”

“When my daughter was three-years-old and my son was eight-months-old we went to DeMonyes greenhouse for the Halloween fun. I was holding my son who couldn’t walk and looked away from my daughter for a second. I looked back and she was gone. All I could think of was that she got lost in the scary maze and I went running with the baby, screaming for her through the dark maze and dropped my phone. I ran to the parking lot and still couldn’t find her. My friend saw me panicked and said, ‘She’s browsing the merchandise.’ Sure enough, she was shopping away! Scariest moment ever!”

“After a Friday at the Commons event, I forgot where I parked in the parking garage and was frantically going up and down levels with two toddlers in tow. At one point, we got off the elevator to continue the car hunt and my daughter didn’t follow me fast enough. I looked back to see the elevator doors close on her. My then three-year-old son started screaming while a fireman carried him down each flight to check and see where the elevator was going to open again.Of course, it opened on the main floor where a group of people saw elevator doors open to a crying 1.5-year-old. *groan*”

“When I was nine months pregnant with my then four-year-old and two-year-old at Macy’s (that’s a disaster waiting to happen, just writing it), my husband and four-year-old were checking out (we were in the men’s department) while I kept browsing with the two-year-old. The babe got bored and started zooming around and I soon couldn’t catch him (hence the nine-month pregnant thing). I thought I had my eye on him, but he sneakily became distant and I soon couldn’t find him. I became frantic searching through all the aisles and stands, waving my husband down to come help and alarming panic amongst all the other customers. About to call mall security, I heard a familiar giggle and found him laughing and batting the clothes, hidden in between a large rack of suit jackets.” #parentingfails

“After a day at the beach in Hawaii, we used the outdoor shower to rinse off the sand. About 20 minutes later when we were back in the room I noticed something in my son’s mouth. There were several rocks that he must have picked up from the shower area. I was extremely disgusted thinking about all the slime and nastiness on those rocks. I was also very thankful he didn’t swallow any. I was with my sister at the time so I’m not sure how two adults didn’t see him scoop up the handful of rocks or how it took us so long after to discover them in his mouth. ??‍♀️” #parentingfail

“Our daughter was only a few days old — we had just gotten home from the hospital. One night I was in her room with her at about 3 a.m. I had just fed and burped her and I was so exhausted I accidentally fell asleep sitting in her chair (with her asleep on my chest). My chin was resting on her head when I fell asleep. About an hour later I woke up and her poor, tiny little head was SOAKED with my drool. ? Poor kid – not even a week old and I had drooled alllllllll over her.”

“When I was growing up, my dad always put notes in my lunches, which I loved. I now do the same for my three kids, despite our hectic mornings. One day, though, my youngest son indignantly stormed off the school bus after school. I immediately asked him what was wrong, and he pulled out a blank post-it from his backpack. In my morning frenzy to get three kids out the door, I accidentally put a blank note in his lunch box. I felt terrible (#thirdkidproblems, right?), but at least now we can laugh at it. Fortunately, I haven’t done that again.”

“There was the time at Creekside when my son was in the stroller and I walked away to get my older son out of the creek and say goodbye to friends. The stroller started to roll down the hill. I froze and watched as my 18-month-old headed for the water, while a friend sprinted up the hill to save him. So…both a mom fail and a mom win?”

I hope these stories made you laugh and, better yet, made you feel like you’re not alone. We’re all human. All you can do is own it and try again next time. After all, we need some good tales to tell the grandkids someday!

What are your family’s favorite “Parenting Fails”?